what moves my heart these days

i´d like to share some new things that have been going on lately.
i´m very occupied with the scedule here and when i have free time i like to soend it keeping up in my diary and jounal, letters, painting and drawing, spending time with god, running, sleeping, exploring nature, herrnhut and surrounding cities...writig on my blog come later ;)
but i´m soo grateful for your huge gernerousity and love you showed me before i left.
thank you for your prayers and belief in gods plans for my life.

the most beautiful experiences i have with kelsey in nature. we walk under sparkling stars, dazzling sunrises, dark purpelish-gray-blue clouds..we walk, skip, dance and sing on railroad
 tracks, fields, the forest.......

the other night i felt like running aournd barefoot so i went out with kels and ashley we went along the railroad tracks over a quite painful field and sitting in a tree watching the sun go down and the stars come. we had conversations about friendship, life, love, god, the world, people, beauty of nature.........then we ran the whole way back under the amazing starry sky........

last thursday was art critique night at the castle.

i made this pice of art about prostitution, and one about child traffiking and two collages...when the time to put them up came closer i got overwhelmed by such a wave of old insecurities and selfconsciousness that i realy didn´t want to put any of my work up that night. i felt like hiding  my art and myself all night.

i was afraid that my art would be i the way of someone.

but everyone who walked by said wow i like that...but me- as usual- didn´t believe they realy meant it and was even more ashamed.

but against all these attacks i somehow managed to put everything up and leave the exhibition to listen to music performances, readings and watching the dance track...

laura and josh, two redicilously talented musicians asked us fine artists to to interpretative paintings while the two of them play their instumental song about grace, because everyone sees grace diferently and our paintings will show how different we feel grace.

so me and rachel sat in front of everyone and painted. ONE OF MY MOST UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATIONS was streched to the extreme, because i can´t stand people looking over my shoulder while i´m painting and especialy not when i have to show the out come raw and vulnerable as it is, as i am.

but i did it and we got uuuhs and aaahs and lots of applause.

i´ll keep the painting in my jounal, to remeber that god confronts us with our fears to form our character...now i´m very thankful for his loveing way to change me into the person he dreamt of...

Anyways my art moved people to tears that night, i got tons of positive critiques and one of the leaders said this hase to be in the conference in hamburg aout human traffiking...whow...that blew my mind...

but the best part is, that god wanted me to tell the whole school of 200 people what i was struggeling with on thursday every detail, my long kept insecurities, the spiritual warfare, the fear of being critiqued...

i sat there my hear beating up to my chest when some people came up fromt to share what they felt like responding about the past week.

against my not-feeling-like-it i stood up in front of everyone and told them what was on my heart.

i felt so much lighter after doing that, and i realy saw how it touched peole, how they smiled at me loveing and warm. i thanked them for helping me through this struggle with all the positive feedback about my art.

i noticed that after that so may people see much more open towards me and i hear i love you even more often.

Barbara, an older, strong and wise lady from the base came to me and told me how much people -including her- respect me át this base. whow, that blex my mind again, because i feel liked and even loved by now, bur respected? i never ever in my life felt respected...

sooo...these are some of the stories god i writing in my life -my heart- these days

thanks for reading,

love

claire