So it´s been about 3 weeks since i´ve arrived home.
The first week i spent with my lovely Rachel and it was good to have her because being at home alone after 7 months of constant crazyness and awesome people everywhere anytime it would´ve been a shock to be alone. Sure my friends at home where waiting to see me too, but the thing is they can´t relate to what i´ve been through in the DTS and my jouney with God...i needed someone to remind me where God has brought me and not to slide back into old habits just because i´m at home.
The week after Rachel left, i got to spend alot of time at Piros house where i went horseback riding, biking and running...the blossoming spring weather and vibrent deep green forests amaze me everytime anew...
Yet i felt an anxiety creeping up...the time to come still scares me. Should i do the kingdom school? how in the world do i explain this to friends and family who don´t even believe that God exists?
But God gave me the chance again and again to choose to trust him and get to know him as an adventurous Lover...I painted alot and hav about a week of complete pause. hardly contacted anyone. I needed that to find back to myself. I felt not ready to be out there presenting my stories and further plans before i´ve fully processed and found who i am and what this experience has done with me.
If i know it now? well hard to say...i feel like we can never truely say we found ourselves and understand whats inside...we´re way to complex for that to happen....but yes i found peace and a new excitement to know more about this wild, dangerouse and intimate loveint God that i am about to give up everything for...it´s not a small step....this School of the Kingdom is more than just another timefiller befor University. It is a step of commitment in the unseen world. at i don´t know anything about it, exept that it is real, so much more real than we can imagine, and that my life will always be empty when i don´t pursue more of whan i´ve only tasted a tiny but breathtaking bit...I desire so much more, this world can´t offer anything close to what i feel is waiting when I enter into this new level with God...right now again i feel my physical heart beating against my chest like a trapped wild animal in a cage about to break free and run in freedome...
The first week i spent with my lovely Rachel and it was good to have her because being at home alone after 7 months of constant crazyness and awesome people everywhere anytime it would´ve been a shock to be alone. Sure my friends at home where waiting to see me too, but the thing is they can´t relate to what i´ve been through in the DTS and my jouney with God...i needed someone to remind me where God has brought me and not to slide back into old habits just because i´m at home.
The week after Rachel left, i got to spend alot of time at Piros house where i went horseback riding, biking and running...the blossoming spring weather and vibrent deep green forests amaze me everytime anew...
Yet i felt an anxiety creeping up...the time to come still scares me. Should i do the kingdom school? how in the world do i explain this to friends and family who don´t even believe that God exists?
But God gave me the chance again and again to choose to trust him and get to know him as an adventurous Lover...I painted alot and hav about a week of complete pause. hardly contacted anyone. I needed that to find back to myself. I felt not ready to be out there presenting my stories and further plans before i´ve fully processed and found who i am and what this experience has done with me.
If i know it now? well hard to say...i feel like we can never truely say we found ourselves and understand whats inside...we´re way to complex for that to happen....but yes i found peace and a new excitement to know more about this wild, dangerouse and intimate loveint God that i am about to give up everything for...it´s not a small step....this School of the Kingdom is more than just another timefiller befor University. It is a step of commitment in the unseen world. at i don´t know anything about it, exept that it is real, so much more real than we can imagine, and that my life will always be empty when i don´t pursue more of whan i´ve only tasted a tiny but breathtaking bit...I desire so much more, this world can´t offer anything close to what i feel is waiting when I enter into this new level with God...right now again i feel my physical heart beating against my chest like a trapped wild animal in a cage about to break free and run in freedome...
