mysteries

How do i right about something way to great to be captures by words?

This season of my life is the most excitig, healing, creative, encouraging, true and challenging time i ever went through. I´m surrounded by so much freedom, rolling green hills covered with delicate spring flowers dressed in mire splendor than any king of the earth has ever been clothed in. Forests swallowing me in the thick masses of quivering leaves. beams of light through the branches warming my souls along with an orchestra of morning birds. and all i can do is breathe in deep and laugh with all my heart.
my stomache feels like a mass of butterflies and the only two world i´m able to bring out through heaps of laughter are: THANK YOU.
For me there is no doubt that God is with me with such an abundance of love that my physical body can hardly contain it.

I´m running. My head is free. I breath i think i feel alive. When i lay in the soft spring gras and breathe deep i sing a song in my heart and close my eyes. God is here.

So i am in a place so healing for every part of my being that the effects blow my mind and make very day to a new adenvture of what God is going to do this day.
That it would challenge me and strech me to my limits was one thing i felt God telling me before i came and ask me if i trust Him anyways and pursue his presence although i can´t always feel like this.
And there definatly where these days where i just wanted to run, hide, be alone with my negative thought which i´m so used to. Surrounded my so much true love though, there is no chance to fall into that lonely dark place and i´m so thankful that i´m not alone. I have friends, who hold me, process and just pray with me. I never felt so alive and i feel like i still am just dipping my toes into the ocean of goodes.
THERE IS SO MUCH MORE.

Generosity is such a gift and i am preacicing it more and more, even though i have needs to. I rely in Gods promise of Matthew 6:33 Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

Meditateing on his goodness is to healing. There´s nothing we can do to earn any on it. It´s a by choice. All by love.

C.

PS i recommend everyone to watch "Furious Love"

At home...at home?

So it´s been about 3 weeks since i´ve arrived home.
The first week i spent with my lovely Rachel and it was good to have her because being at home alone after 7 months of constant crazyness and awesome people everywhere anytime it would´ve been a shock to be alone. Sure my friends at home where waiting to see me too, but the thing is they can´t relate to what i´ve been through in the DTS and my jouney with God...i needed someone to remind me where God has brought me and not to slide back into old habits just because i´m at home.
The week after Rachel left, i got to spend alot of time at Piros house where i went horseback riding, biking and running...the blossoming spring weather and vibrent deep green forests amaze me everytime anew...
Yet i felt an anxiety creeping up...the time to come still scares me. Should i do the kingdom school? how in the world do i explain this to friends and family who don´t even believe that God exists?
But God gave me the chance again and again to choose to trust him and get to know him as an adventurous Lover...I painted alot and hav about a week of complete pause. hardly contacted anyone. I needed that to find back to myself. I felt not ready to be out there presenting my stories and further plans before i´ve fully processed and found who i am and what this experience has done with me.
If i know it now? well hard to say...i feel like we can never truely say we found ourselves and understand whats inside...we´re way to complex for that to happen....but yes i found peace and a new excitement to know more about this wild, dangerouse and intimate loveint God that i am about to give up everything for...it´s not a small step....this School of the Kingdom is more than just another timefiller befor University. It is a step of commitment in the unseen world. at i don´t know anything about it, exept that it is real, so much more real than we can imagine, and that my life will always be empty when i don´t pursue more of whan i´ve only tasted a tiny but breathtaking bit...I desire so much more, this world can´t offer anything close to what i feel is waiting when I enter into this new level with God...right now again i feel my physical heart beating against my chest like a trapped wild animal in a cage about to break free and run in freedome...

leaving

so now it´s over. The last weeks of DTS rolled by and now we´re all on the other side of the school looking back, laughing or crying, it´s quite diffenert with everyone. But it is a strange feeling we all can´t help but notice in and around the once so lively filled castle of YWYM Herrnhut.

Right now i´m rolling through germany an my way back home to stay with my parents for a while. I know it´ll be not for long, but the place i grew up in is so filled with peace i just need that for this season. A season of rest. I´ll find time to fully process the past 7 months and where god brought me now. And listen to him. I kow one thing – the only thing that makes sence is to give your life to god and let him guide you to the place you where created to be in. I believe there is such a place for everyone and it is possible to find it. The best way is to just trust god to guide you every step towards his heart. That is the place we where created for. And i believe that here on earth we can find our individual ways to be the closest to gods heart. For me it is and always be art and encouraging people.

Since i´ve been in India where spirituality is something that pretty much everyone seeks and find in one way or another. I´ve seen and talk to people who believe such wired things but i could scence that their soirits are alive, so much more than lots of christians i know in the western church. Yet i learned something there that i´m incredibly grateful for. I learned that my faith is not depentent on how other believers behave but it´s a personal relationship with god who is love. That in it self was so encouraging for me in india that i loved to talk about my faith with all kinds of people i met. Not the „convert“ them or whatever but to simply share the joy god keeps pouring into me and to let them know that there is so much more to life...

shareing my art and passion

i got to give many art workshops in dharamsala
i helped tibetan refugees and monks how to discover their hidden talents and gifts. i saw so much talent in them and it brought me so much joy to encourage them to draw and do art; pursue their dreams, life for more than what they´ve been told all their life.
they smiled with such joy and thankfulness when i handed them a drawing or told them how gifted they are.
i heard so many stories about their dangerouse travels over the himalayan mountains to find a life in peace fleeing from the chinese government. it´s unbelievable what these people went through in theri home country and on their journey to india...but maybe that´s why they are such beautiful and thankful people.

these two are reading the bible for the first time they where fascinated and couldn´t stop, and took notes...a living book alright...god is so real.so good.

we had many conversations about god and the world. so inspireing and i personally grew so much in my own faith when i listened to them spreak about what they grew up believeing and it seems like they don´t even have a choice and so many don´t even know where their believe brings them and what it´s all about. it just mad eme so passionate about the truth. the one simple truth.

Also in Kolkata i gave an art class to a DTS.

it was a huge blessing for them and for me.

i also got to pray for them for spiritual gifts, it was soo encouraging...i got to pray for many grown men they came to me and asked for prayer, some cied some spoke in the spirit some just smiled and recieved...everyone was called to this time and place...it made me feel so perfectlx right and so happy. like my father always sais: there is to better feeling in this world than when you know without a doubt that you are exactly in the place god dreamt you into."

candlelight nights

candlelight lights where often in Dharamsala. it where the most beautiful, peaceful nights, we grew alot closer as a team and hat peaceful quiet times. it was just a good experience. ice cold outside, just as cold inside, we saw our breath in our room! cold water no electricity...it´s the uncomfortable moments that transform you the most. i feel like these moments are the ones i will never forget.

i´m reading alot in the old testament which i never had before. i found so many treasures and honestly i´m surpriesed by how current and real it all is reading it now.

i can only recomend it. but more than all i recomend a relationship with god. it´s been the only thing keeping me going day by day and still be full of joy and hope and knowing that i belong somewhere greater than just this world we know.

"when i fild in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy i can only conclude that i was not made for here"

brook fraser

Inspiring Artists

i absolutly love Goa! it´s so artsy and beautiful.
i met so many artists here.

i got to go to one artists house and paint with her.

i was in heaven. so peaceful.

dancer

I saw him every night on the beach of Goa, India dancing wild in trance of deep meditation, my heart was moved and i felt i should talk to him some how, but i had no idea how to appoach him or what to say. One night i saw him sitting in the sand meditating with crossed legs and closed eyes faceing the setting sun over the Arabian sea. It was a stunning sceene so i grabbed my sketchbook and while drawing him i interceeded for his spirit to be protected and his meditation not satisfying and if he wills an open door to talk to him. A moment later he opened his eyes and looked at me and came up to me asking if he could leave his bag with me while he went dancing. God loves to answer prayers! It just amazed me because the whole beach was full of people comeing to enjoy the daily sunsat and drum circle, yet he trusted me with his stuff although we never met before. So while he was dancing or rather getting ready for it i started drawing him worshiping where he stood meditating. God gave me so many words of wisdom and truth so i wrote all over the drawing what he gave me. I kept interceeding for his protection and that tonight he will notoce a difference in his trance. And what surprised me was that he realy didn´t get into his usual „zone“ we could all tell that his dance was not the same and he definatly wasn´t out dancing in other galaxies.

Just as the last word was written he came up to me and i handed him the papaer. He was surprised but thanked me very much and asked if he could sit with me. There was the open door i prayed for just a few moments ago. I met him the following days and we had good conversations. And we never saw him dancing in the state of trance on the beach again. God is so awesome! So i got to share my faith and Gods love with him and what was exciting for was that i could unse my passion for art and writing propheticly and give it away right away.

I learned not to be afraid to use my art and my gifts and how importand it is to know and use my passion and gifts, and i´m amazed by the power of intercession.